Splash Damage Blog
Introducing the Dirty Bomb Pre/Post-Mission Readiness Kit
Let's face it, being a Mercenary in Dirty Bomb is tough. Every match, you're sprinting from one objective to the next while dodging air strikes, bullets and grenades, while enduring nagging vsays and fisheye FOVs. And let's not even mention the countless respawns - that can't be good for your pores.
This is why we're incredibly excited to announce the immediate availability* of Dirty Bomb Pre/Post-Mission Readiness Kit, a suite of bodily pacification and regeneration tools designed specifically for the hardworking mercenaries of irradiated, near-future dystopias.
* DBPPMRK currently undergoing initial field tests. Priority access given to Inner Circle Mercs. Theatre-wide deployment TBA.
The DBPPMRK includes the following:
Scrubbing turrets, fine-tuning mines and stalling C4 aren't conducive to soft and supple skin, as any Engineer will tell you. Return your hands to their former glory with this battle-ready formula!
Clean up with a dirty bath bomb and wash away the memories of laying in a muddy puddle, tagging enemies as the Recon. It's soluble, aromatic, and non-staining - everything you associate with Splash Damage!
Withstanding extreme temperatures is all in a day's work for the Fire Support class – those airstrikes won't call themselves in! To combat the constant heat-wave haranguing, apply twice daily. Hell, what else would it be good for in Britain?
As the Assault class, you obviously have some pent-up aggression that needs dealing with. Heat it up and then lie back, relax, and spoil those angry eyes while taking a well-earned rest.
Wet innards, gushing wounds and rotting bodies. No-one ever said a Medic's life was glamorous, but who knew what manner of obscene aromas would await? On those precious days/minutes off, relax to the soothing smells of this scented candle. Recreating some of London's finest backalleys, it's as life-giving as yourself!
But that's not all!
To apply for your own DBPPMRK, respond to this memo with your Merc registration number, callsign, and preferred combat class. Remember, you're totally worth it.
Dirty Bomb Skincare. Pamper Yourself Filthy.