Splash DamageBlogIntroducing the Dirty Bomb Pre/Post-Mission Readiness Kit

Splash Damage Blog

Introducing the Dirty Bomb Pre/Post-Mission Readiness Kit

Let's face it, being a Mercenary in Dirty Bomb is tough. Every match, you're sprinting from one objective to the next while dodging air strikes, bullets and grenades, while enduring nagging vsays and fisheye FOVs. And let's not even mention the countless respawns - that can't be good for your pores.

This is why we're incredibly excited to announce the immediate availability* of Dirty Bomb Pre/Post-Mission Readiness Kit, a suite of bodily pacification and regeneration tools designed specifically for the hardworking mercenaries of irradiated, near-future dystopias.

* DBPPMRK currently undergoing initial field tests. Priority access given to Inner Circle Mercs. Theatre-wide deployment TBA.

The DBPPMRK includes the following:

Handyman's Hand Lotion
Scrubbing turrets, fine-tuning mines and stalling C4 aren't conducive to soft and supple skin, as any Engineer will tell you. Return your hands to their former glory with this battle-ready formula!
Dirt Brown Bath Salt
Clean up with a dirty bath bomb and wash away the memories of laying in a muddy puddle, tagging enemies as the Recon. It's soluble, aromatic, and non-staining - everything you associate with Splash Damage!
Sudden Strike Sunscreen
Withstanding extreme temperatures is all in a day's work for the Fire Support class – those airstrikes won't call themselves in! To combat the constant heat-wave haranguing, apply twice daily. Hell, what else would it be good for in Britain?
Anger Management Eye Gel Mask
As the Assault class, you obviously have some pent-up aggression that needs dealing with. Heat it up and then lie back, relax, and spoil those angry eyes while taking a well-earned rest.
Keep Calm Candle
Wet innards, gushing wounds and rotting bodies. No-one ever said a Medic's life was glamorous, but who knew what manner of obscene aromas would await? On those precious days/minutes off, relax to the soothing smells of this scented candle. Recreating some of London's finest backalleys, it's as life-giving as yourself!

But that's not all!

Early Requisition Bonus
Request your kit now to receive it in exclusive, non-gameplay-affecting packaging and get a limited edition Dirty Bomb mirror absolutely FREE! Great for applying the essentials and admiring your beautiful face in between rounds/respawns.

To apply for your own DBPPMRK, respond to this memo with your Merc registration number, callsign, and preferred combat class. Remember, you're totally worth it.


Dirty Bomb Skincare. Pamper Yourself Filthy.

21 Comments

You almost got me :P
Posted on 1 April, 2013 - 11:29
HAHAHA! [SIZE=1] I want ! [/SIZE] :P
Posted on 1 April, 2013 - 11:47
visionary :D
Posted on 1 April, 2013 - 13:10
el oh el 10char
Posted on 1 April, 2013 - 13:58
As it doesn't say that "These products have not been tested on Tapirs" :stroggtapir: i will not purchase, it would be unethical.
Posted on 1 April, 2013 - 14:59
I see nothing out of the ordinary here. I for one have placed an order for this.
Posted on 1 April, 2013 - 15:39
I would actually buy this and use it.
Posted on 1 April, 2013 - 17:19
I wonder how it smells.
Posted on 1 April, 2013 - 17:20
Merc registration number: #8db351a Callsign:Dormamu Preferred combat class:FdOps DBSkinCare, will make me play better :D
Posted on 1 April, 2013 - 17:51
I wonder how it smells.
finest Tapir essence :p
Posted on 1 April, 2013 - 17:54
My wife does a small sideline in all natural body products, I had once thought about spinning off a new brand focused on game related smellies (Gamertang) but the thought of licencing and gamers wanting to smell of more than beer, ciggies and body odour sort of put me off.
Posted on 1 April, 2013 - 17:56
Awesome, is it also available tomorrow? xD
Posted on 1 April, 2013 - 18:15
It would be a perfect merchandize :penguin: too bad it wont be avi tomorrow :(
Posted on 1 April, 2013 - 18:23
I know that nearly all trained killers yearn for a long bubble bath and a few hours of pampering after a hard day on the battlefield.......
Posted on 1 April, 2013 - 21:01
Ahah, awesome :)
Posted on 7 April, 2013 - 09:36
The man of tomorrow needs to have good skin!
Posted on 8 April, 2013 - 03:06
It would be a perfect merchandize :penguin: too bad it wont be avi tomorrow :(
You never know :tongue:
Posted on 17 April, 2013 - 18:20
So i logged in toDAY STILL NO PACK????
Posted on 18 April, 2013 - 01:20
DB-Skincare? I want DB-LUBE! Your gun should always be DBLUBEd - unless yor prefer firing blanks or missing the target. Nothing worse than having a large bullet spread.
Posted on 18 April, 2013 - 04:10
como se puede pedir el kit porfavor ayudadme
Posted on 25 April, 2013 - 22:45
número de registro de Merc:malaga españa clase favorita asalto
Posted on 25 April, 2013 - 22:52